The King of Arkham
by KlauseUmberfire
Summary: A little peek into the story of Joker's stay in Arkham when he first meets Harleen. Stories told as Joker so you all provide me with questions and then receive stories.
1. The RedHood's True Finally

Chapter 1: Let's begin firstly with one simple fact hun. What you have heard about the bat they so idolize and adore is all a bee-e-a-you-tea-full pill of B-U-L-L. That's short for bullshit in case your slow. I will reveal to you two truths with my little story, but I'll let them be a surprise for now.

You see it was a big job but nothing I hadn't done a hundred times over. Take a child hole 'em up in a cave and let the poor distraught parents do a little bit of my heavy lifting for me. Everything was going swell it was 8pm and I'd just gotten off the phone with the parents and informed them of what the next 3 hrs of there day would include. Nothing too difficult simply rob the jewelers at 9 and await for the location of the meet up. I'd be calling again 9:30 until then it I had some me time.

I walked over to the closet I kept all my best suits in and that's when the first little hiccup in my night appeared. My current little vixen of a pleasure toy thought it'd be cute to replace my white under shirts with one ridiculous graphic shirt instead. The image on that shirt is something I'll always remember. The word JOKER written boldly over a faded clown face with green hair and piercing eyes to match. "All because of one poker game. And what makes her think she can do as she likes with my things." I grumbled this to myself but had no choice but to wear the ridiculous shirt. After that little upset I found my tux coat and walked over to my pride and joy, my red hood was as flawless as always. I never went on a job without it. My face is just too beautiful after all to have to send it into hiding. One genetically altered rose to pin to my coat and out the door I was.

Hood adorned and on my way to the location were I would get my treasures. It was 9:30 then so I called up the pawns and told them were to drive. It was a nice little cave system about an hour out of town. I got there first and waited a few minutes until I saw the loving folks. The little twerp had been acquired by my men and was being held behind me for now. "I'll assume you have something for me." I called over to the parents. Silently they inched forward holding up a quite sizable satin bag. I wave a hand signaling one of my men to go... nothing. I wave again and turn to them this time... still nothing. "I get that you imbeciles might not be scientists but this isn't hard to figure out." After my statement my men stare perplexed looks on their faces. "Go get the damn bag you moron!" They drop the boy with a thud and start to move forward. "Only one of you morons need to go ge..." I'm cut off by the boy knocking into me as he runs off towards his parents. "Everytime." I groan this in an irritated fashion as I draw my gun and plant a slug in each parent. "Now be a good kid and bring me that bag." I point to the satin bag of jewels lying on the ground by his dead mother's hand, jewels falling out shining in the moon light. The kids makes a run for it and the poor thing left me no choice. I mean he didn't listen so I took aim and pulled the trigger nice and easy.

Bang...Ting! Just what I needed a vigilante with a thing for dress up. Batman of all people is there out of thin air arm stretched before the boy using his metal cuffs to deflect my perfect shot. "Well if it isn't the big bat. As you can see batty boy I was informing this young boy that it's far too late to be out as his age. The city is a dangerous place at night." I chuckled a bit having entertained myself with this. He went on to say something or other about misdeeds and good people or some nonsense for a moment. Then he reached for the bag. Bang! "Batty boy I don't that's a good idea. Boys!" A moment of pause and I hear from behind me one muffle the words what boss. "Shoot him you halfwits!" A wave of his cape as the bullets start to pour and he vanished into the air with the boy.

Chapter 2: So where did I leave off last time hun? Oh yeah, the bat had vanished with the boy into the air. Next I knew he had landed on one of my nitwits and cold cocked the other in a single movement. I knew the guys where bad but this was just plain useless. I fired off a few rounds to keep the bat at bay though it felt like shooting at a damn fly. I was down to my final round and getting a tad heated at this point. The bat shows up to my party and knocks out my guys and still has yet to even say so much as hello. What guy does that?

As I stopped firing the bat walked towards me. At this point I knew he assumed I was out of rounds so I waited until it was a sure shot with no chance of failure. The moments ticked by in slow motion until the chance was there. I took it the shot that was guaranteed to hit it's mark. The round left the barrel traveling a path a could see clear as day light. Close and close to the bat it got and just as it prepared to penetrate his chest the bat was gone. "You missed and that's your last bullet." I heard these words from behind me and let out a laugh.

I raised my hand and pointed in the direction the bat had been standing. "Not quite batty boy. It seems you're out of people to save now." I cackled after these words for the boy had been right behind the bat and my true target from the start. He lied there motionless his blood pooling around him. This is when it came to blows. The bat swung a few i swang a few it was quite fun. Well, exempt fot all the holes and cave entrances scattered around like pitfalls.

As we fought the bat used every little toy he had. The grappling hook seemed his favorite that night what with all the over hanging cliffs and rocks. As he flew over head past me back and forth I took out my knife and with a good throw it went right into his shoulder. "No more flapping around for this bat now." Those words brought a smile to my face though no one had the pleasure of seeing it. That is until the bat smashed my hood in and attached the grappling gun to my ankle. Before I knew it my lips were bleeding and I was upside-down over a cave opening. "Well looky here batty boy seems you got me. Lot of good that does, I'll be back out here in a week tops." I start laughing and then a tearing noise as I slip downward some. My pants were tearing where the gun was attached. "Okay batty boy time to let me down and take me away."

"Not today hood." The bat said those words and then turned and walked off.

I screamed after him flailing around. "YOU'RE NO HERO BATTY BOY! AND YOU'RE CERTAINLY NO JUDGE AND JURY." That's when the bat turned around in time for one last ripping sound followed by my plummet into the darkness.

Chapter 3: I remember where I left off this time hun so let me begin. I awoke at the pits bottom surrounded my ice. Shivering and pale as a ghost. Darkness all around exempt for what little light could reach there from the top. I ached everywhere and blood was dripping from my mouth. Bits of my hood sticking out of my lip. I checked myself further and was rather well off for my situation. My tux was a bit tattered but my little rose was just fine. I realized I'd not even checked this one's color and so held it up close to some light. It was a bright green color my favorite one. I had many others. They were a small project of mine crossing roses with opium and dying them different colors.

As I twirled the rose In my hand I heard a loud cracked and then a powerful burst of gaseous steam blasted my face. The rose exploding from the heat and acting as my only shield. The gas was dyed green and stung my eyes and scalp as it sprayed all over me. I was hot too hot and the pain was unbearable. The heat continued to rise as more and more steam filled the pit. I began to see waves of green and purple before my eyes. The heat made me delirious and the green vapor that was my rose just smothered my face. The seconds felt like hours and the hours like lifetimes.

Finally the green vapor was all gone most likely inhaled by me. The swirls of green and purple settled as an aura around my sight giving me tunnel vision. It must have been quite some time for when I looked up day was coming to an end. The steam was still bursting through the cracks in the walls and the ice had melted into a thin puddle evaporating almost as fast as it melted. And as though things weren't bad enough my lips felt hard. The red bits of my mask had melted into the bleeding cuts and fused with my lips. One more painful problem to handle at the time. But before I had any chance to calm from the heat and opium the ground gave way and I was falling. A large splash and a rush of cold as I fell into the frigid waters. My body went numb and my consciousness faded. Barely able to move or even think I swam. I had no thoughts at the time just one phrase circling my mind, Batman killed me.

Well doc, you asked how I got like this and that's the story. How'd you like it Miss Harley? Can I call you that doc?

"I like the sound of that Mister J."


	2. Dr Wellings

Session 1:

Knock knock knock a creak and a bang. That's how I greeted the good doctor when I last saw him. Though I'll assume you'd like more detail than that. (Slow deep inhale...quick exhale) Alright time for a story.

It was one week after my last escape from Arkham's wondrous facilities.I found myself stuck for the night in a quiet part of the city. Having no one to turn to I remembered that the good Dr. Wellings just so happened to live in that very neighborhood. (he he he) So I paid him a visit. This brings us back to knock, knock, knock. Here's how it went.

Knock, knock, knock followed by footsteps and one creaking floorboard right before his door. Then my favorite part the bang. As he peered through the peep hole I slammed my foot into his door kicking it straight in. They do say you can tell a good friend from a best friend by the way he enters your house. You see a good friend knocks and waits to be let in while a best friend knocks and then invites themselves into the house. I always thought we had that kind of relationship.

To continue I proceeded to invite myself in. Seeing as Dr. Wellings was in need of some assistance getting up I helped him into a chair and even strapped him in for safety reasons. Wouldn't want him to slip off and harm that brilliant brain of his. As he enjoyed a short nap I brought in my things for the evening. From the moment the doctor wakes it becomes a tad harder to sugar coat things so instead I won't.

I woke the doctor gently saying "Doctor, Dr. Wellings it's time to wake up you have a guest." His eyes struggled open his head bobbing around in confusion and pain. He took in the sightsight before him with shock. I did look amazing though with my favorite burgundy shirt and a pair of dark purple slacks, not black okay so you can tell the fools at in processing that for me.

Now shocking even all dressed up for the occasion as I was the doctor was not happy to see me. At least that's what I gathered from all the screaming. He was an incoherent mess of "HELP A CRAZY MAN" and "SOMEONE SAVE ME."

I informed him that he was wasting his time telling him this. "Doctor, I feel you should save your breath you haven't many left but as of now you are the healthiest man in the neighneighborhood. You see I never got your exact a dress so I had to try a few houses before yours and when it wasn't you... Well let's just say I hate being wrong." I believe that whole neighborhood is still in the hospital. In fact you check for me I'll continue next session.


End file.
